School's Out!

I feel like having a party! Imagine my delight when I found out at Irish class tonight that our Christmas break is a whole month long and starts now! No more homework! What I mean is no more guilt about not doing my homework.

Let me explain. I decided that my current job involves going to work too much. So I thought I would become a primary school teacher and have lots of lovely long holidays sitting half in, half out of my (imaginary) campervan, swinging my legs, idly watching the scenery and sipping moscow mules. And occasionally checking on a happily sleeping baby. Oh of course I want to TEACH also. Of course.

In order to make this dream a reality I need to take my Irish school exams again as I didn't shine in them the last time - 18 years ago. So I enrolled in a night class. Specially designed for people like me - people who were taught by senile old priests who kept throwing them out in the corridor.

Oh it all started great, the enthusiasm, convinced I would wow everyone and get an 'A1', spending 5 hours translating an article about 'Na Buachaillí Google' on a Saturday afternoon. Yes I was a prize pupil. For about three weeks. Then I began to get sullen, you know, I missed a class, I found myself drawing ponies and rabbits on my books, the múinteoir's ceisteanna annoyingly interrupting my pelvic floor exercises. It seems he has mistakenly taken my front row presence for eagerness to learn when really it's just that I'm too fat to get up the steps to the back row.

Múinteoir: 'Ceist a trí Evan?!'

Truculent: 'Eh eh, dú...'

Múinteoir: 'Go on GO ON you have it, you're NEARLY there! Dúir....?'

Truculent: 'Eh Dúirt mé ..?'

Múinteoir: 'YES!'

Anyway, now that it's the end of term I congratulate myself just on waddling into class (nearly) every week. Mostly because I want to see what happens in this play we're doing about a girl who kills her baby. I am encouraged to see the curriculum still contains plenty of downbeat material. Homework? Surely I don't have to do the homework! I'm PREGNANT!